Channeling Howard Beale
Right. It's been a long week. Don't mind me, Sugar - I just feel a rant coming on:
No one's knocked Ann Coulter off yet. It's 2006 and this horse-faced poisoner still walks the Earth? Seriously. I'm ashamed for humanity. Her recent remarks during a speech about how someone should poison Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens have truly earned her that special place in hell and were a brand new low, even for her. I'll probably burn in hell myself for saying this, but if anyone truly deserved to drown in a puddle of her own puke, it's Ann Coulter. And if it were available on pay-per-view, I'd be the first one to sign up.
Oprah having James Frey back on her show. Now Oprah Winfrey is a sister who's truly done it for herself, someone who's worked her ass off to get where she is today, and ate a lot of shit along the way, no doubt. She – and her producers, thank you very much – also turned legions of TV wives into readers. But having James "William S. Burroughs Is Rolling Over in His Grave" Frey back on to publicly lambaste him reeks a little of self-serving smarmitude. Never mind the readers who were taken in by the claptrap – it was all about Oprah being bamboozled, and the way she sniped at editor Nan Talese was most unbecoming for a broadcast professional. I'll give her credit, though – the dude looked totally uncomfortable as he sat there sweating on that stage and you could almost see him thinking about ringing up his old dealers the minute he walked out of the Harpo Studios.
The brand new and improved U.S.-Mexican war. All this talk of a migrant worker program or a fence along the border is merely a load of bollocks and nothing more than bullshit platitudes being handed out like sugar skulls during Dia de los Muertos celebrations. Homeland Security, my lily-white ass. We should just bite the bullet and annex Mexico as the 51st state, so her migrants wouldn't have to pay some enterprising criminal their entire yearly salary of $1500 to maybe make it across the border safely. And seeing how $20 billion said adios to the U.S. economy as people sent money back to their families south of the border last year, this would be a boon to the U.S. economy - the money would stay in the country, everyone could bitch about high taxes in unison, and aspiring beach bums like me could travel south to earn our pittance and room and board at the resorts on the Mexican Riviera. Unfortunately, annexation would also serve as the perfect conduit for crappy Mexican headache weed and terrorists, unless a miracle occurred and suddenly we started paying the Border Patrol and the INS enough to be efficient. But at least we wouldn't have to hear creepy stories about strange men in military uniforms torching Humvees in weird border skirmishes. WTF is that about?
I'm really not trying to be a dick here. But this is a big, burning security issue - not an opportunity for a bunch of baiting and bullcrap. Something needs to be done. And before anyone starts railing away, the Minutemen I happen to like are a now-defunct band whose late singer and guitarist D. Boon should have a freeway in San Pedro named after him. Plus, my stomach can't take any of that politically-correct pedantry this afternoon. So please, just for this one day - feel free to take it somewhere else or even better, start your effin' own blog. You'll feel great.
Devo 2.0. According to Wikipedia, the brilliant Mark Mothersbaugh & Co. are involved with this project – which really isn't all that shocking considering how Mothersbaugh has made a name for himself composing and producing music for film and TV, video games and cartoons and how the Casale brothers are also still involved in the recording industry. But changing the "Big Mess" line from "It's a beautiful world for you, but not for me" to "It's a beautiful world for you and me" borders on Barney-esque heinousness. Then again, being a child of the 80's, I know we've truly arrived when the Weather Channel plays the first two minutes of "Gut Feeling" during local weather segments. And perhaps with the brand new Are We Not Kids? crowd, a whole new generation of chirruns will be turned on to the fabulousness that is Devo.
- A nameless, insufferably sanctimonious co-worker playing super-dirty, to the point where even vindictive little me is shocked. We're talking major hubris here. Where's The Ethicist when we truly need him?!
No one's knocked Ann Coulter off yet. It's 2006 and this horse-faced poisoner still walks the Earth? Seriously. I'm ashamed for humanity. Her recent remarks during a speech about how someone should poison Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens have truly earned her that special place in hell and were a brand new low, even for her. I'll probably burn in hell myself for saying this, but if anyone truly deserved to drown in a puddle of her own puke, it's Ann Coulter. And if it were available on pay-per-view, I'd be the first one to sign up.
Oprah having James Frey back on her show. Now Oprah Winfrey is a sister who's truly done it for herself, someone who's worked her ass off to get where she is today, and ate a lot of shit along the way, no doubt. She – and her producers, thank you very much – also turned legions of TV wives into readers. But having James "William S. Burroughs Is Rolling Over in His Grave" Frey back on to publicly lambaste him reeks a little of self-serving smarmitude. Never mind the readers who were taken in by the claptrap – it was all about Oprah being bamboozled, and the way she sniped at editor Nan Talese was most unbecoming for a broadcast professional. I'll give her credit, though – the dude looked totally uncomfortable as he sat there sweating on that stage and you could almost see him thinking about ringing up his old dealers the minute he walked out of the Harpo Studios.
The brand new and improved U.S.-Mexican war. All this talk of a migrant worker program or a fence along the border is merely a load of bollocks and nothing more than bullshit platitudes being handed out like sugar skulls during Dia de los Muertos celebrations. Homeland Security, my lily-white ass. We should just bite the bullet and annex Mexico as the 51st state, so her migrants wouldn't have to pay some enterprising criminal their entire yearly salary of $1500 to maybe make it across the border safely. And seeing how $20 billion said adios to the U.S. economy as people sent money back to their families south of the border last year, this would be a boon to the U.S. economy - the money would stay in the country, everyone could bitch about high taxes in unison, and aspiring beach bums like me could travel south to earn our pittance and room and board at the resorts on the Mexican Riviera. Unfortunately, annexation would also serve as the perfect conduit for crappy Mexican headache weed and terrorists, unless a miracle occurred and suddenly we started paying the Border Patrol and the INS enough to be efficient. But at least we wouldn't have to hear creepy stories about strange men in military uniforms torching Humvees in weird border skirmishes. WTF is that about?
I'm really not trying to be a dick here. But this is a big, burning security issue - not an opportunity for a bunch of baiting and bullcrap. Something needs to be done. And before anyone starts railing away, the Minutemen I happen to like are a now-defunct band whose late singer and guitarist D. Boon should have a freeway in San Pedro named after him. Plus, my stomach can't take any of that politically-correct pedantry this afternoon. So please, just for this one day - feel free to take it somewhere else or even better, start your effin' own blog. You'll feel great.
Devo 2.0. According to Wikipedia, the brilliant Mark Mothersbaugh & Co. are involved with this project – which really isn't all that shocking considering how Mothersbaugh has made a name for himself composing and producing music for film and TV, video games and cartoons and how the Casale brothers are also still involved in the recording industry. But changing the "Big Mess" line from "It's a beautiful world for you, but not for me" to "It's a beautiful world for you and me" borders on Barney-esque heinousness. Then again, being a child of the 80's, I know we've truly arrived when the Weather Channel plays the first two minutes of "Gut Feeling" during local weather segments. And perhaps with the brand new Are We Not Kids? crowd, a whole new generation of chirruns will be turned on to the fabulousness that is Devo.
- A nameless, insufferably sanctimonious co-worker playing super-dirty, to the point where even vindictive little me is shocked. We're talking major hubris here. Where's The Ethicist when we truly need him?!
posted by No, You Can't Watch at 3:20 PM
2 Comments:
Too ranty? Horse Feathers! I love it.
Thank you, Dollink! I genuinely appreciate your support and counsel on this, and in light of the Danish cartoon uproar, think I'll re-add the request to please take any politically-correct pedantry somewhere else, following the Mexico annexation spiel. May as well enjoy what's left of the Constitution!
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