Eliminating cultural bankruptcy in 2005

After scoring embarrassingly high on today's New York Daily News "Do You Know Your 2004 Gossip?" quiz, the first (and probably only) New Years resolution I'm making is to bring myself out of cultural bankruptcy. Seriously. When I know whose party Tara Reid was attending when that festering, surgically-mangled nipple popped out of her gown, or which rap mogul's wife got busted for reckless driving and forgetting to leave her stash at home, then I know I definitely need to take up a more productive hobby, like scrapbooking or knitting.

Yeah, right. Everyone knows I live for this shit, so here's to a tawdry, trashy 2005 - full of soused starlets, star-fuckers and those who love them. I'll try to squeeze in a few New York Times bestsellers if I can, and maybe knit some booties for a few of the expectant women around the office, but no promises.