Rapewagon's Songs From a Ruined Childhood (and a Secret Signal for the Secret Service?)

Back in the daze when Danny and I were quite besotted with and inspired by the band Bongwater, the brainchild of the lovely Ann Magnuson and Kramer, we came up with a concept group of our own: Rapewagon. The name, if my memory serves me correctly, was from Danny’s dictionary of slang, and simply another name for “pimp mobile.” Game, set, and match – we’d found our moniker.

But alas, neither of us possessed any musical ability. We did have a repertoire of some fabulously questionable songs running rampant through our heads, and some of it was probably written down for posterity, but someday Danny and I will get rich so we can pull a marauding band of musicians together to pull off our most demented musical aspirations.

Until then, we’re stuck with our ideas for concept albums. Today’s theme comes courtesy of Danny: Rapewagon's Songs From A Ruined Childhood, twisted covers of the most vile 70's and early 80's tunes that haunted our youth.

Everyone Is Beautiful
Alone Again, Naturally
On Top Of The World
You Light Up My Life
Cats In The Cradle
You Needed Me (or really anything by Anne Fuckin' Murray)
Touch Me In The Morning
Don't Cry Out Loud
Yes, I'm Ready ("Are you ready?" "Yes, I'm ready.")
Time In A Bottle
Keep On Loving You
Baby, What A Big Surprise
Believe It Or Not (Greatest American Hero Theme)

...and other cringe-worthy pieces of piss from artists including Air Supply, Kenny Loggins, Phil Collins, Neil Diamond, Bob Seger, Seals and Crofts, John Denver, Bread, Harry Chapin, Nilsson, Dan Fogelberg, The Eagles, and Christopher Cross.

Are you ready to slit your wrists yet?

Speaking of which, ask Danny or Luke to tell you about The Suicide Channel if you ever get the chance. I truly believe they could sell this as a spin-off idea to some cable network someday - maybe it could be a sister station to WE or Lifetime? We're talking daily offerings of "M*A*S*H," "Taxi," "Chico and The Man," "Fish," and other misery-ridden faves here. Who could pass that up?

In other news, we're having the president of ********** on the talk show next week, so the Secret Service came in yesterday to do a site survey for security - and then earlier this afternoon, I had to sign a document with my Social Security number so they could do a background check on me (and everybody else in our department) before air time. Had I not consented, they would've had to drag someone else in to run the show. Guess I'll find out by then whether or not I'm on any government shit-lists.

Of course, being fan of Scorsese's "Taxi Driver," this whole Secret Service drama has put me in a Travis Bickle-as-social-goofball mode - I can't stop myself from going up my boss and others in the department and asking cheekily, in my best Robert De Niro, "A secret signal for the Secret Service?"

So in honor of this moment, here's a great time-waster if you're bored - "Taxi Driver" trivia from IMDB:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075314/trivia

I can't believe one of the studios wanted Neil Diamond in the lead role!!! Holy Jeezus Palomino. That would've been just a bit too much for me. What was Martin Scorsese's reaction when that was thrown out into the vapors? Oh, to have been a fly on the wall...

Speaking of Scorsese, here's a belated congratulations to Thelma Schoonmaker for snagging the Best Editor Oscar for "The Aviator." I was shocked to learn she only has two Oscars to her name now - what has the Academy been smoking all this time, may I ask? She's the high priestess of the cutting room, for chrissakes. You know she edited part of "Woodstock" (was it the Alvin Lee segment?) and was married to Michael Powell, right? He was the fabulously underrated director of "Peeping Tom," "The Red Shoes," and "The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp." And while my Brit-Film class instructor back in college was a vodka-drenched control freak - I'll always be grateful to him for introducing me to the works of Michael Powell.

Speaking of giving thanks for all that is fan-bloody-tastic with this world, Buzzcocks' very own Steve Diggle has a new album out, Serious Contender. Check it out:

http://www.stevediggle.co.uk/

Also in the works: re-releases of Pete Shelley's Homosapien and XL1, I understand.

And finally, some sad news to report, I'm afraid: Martin Denny, who along with Esquivel and Lex Baxter brought exotica to the attention of the music-loving public in the 50's and 60's, died Wednesday at his home in Hawaii at the age of 93. Today's piece in the Honolulu Advertiser says he'd been active and had even made a few performances not long before he passed away. Bless.

I think some Blue Hawaiians are definitely in order. RIP, Martin Denny.