Village idiot haiku for beginners
In honor of the Otsukimi, tonight's moon-viewing party at the Arboretum where part of the evening's festivities include a bit where people can get up and read their haiku poems, I've been caught up all day in my own unshakable, sorry-ass attempt at honoring the 5-7-5 form.
Please note that this is all in good fun; I'm no poet, nor will I ever be, nor do I harbor any ill or malicious will whatsoever toward Channel 8, its employees, or any affiliates of the Belo Corporation. Also please note that I adore Rebecca Lopez - she is a stellar reporter in addition to being my milpa goddess, I shall not want; Gloria Campos is tops in her field and a nice person to boot; and if I'm commuting, Alexa Conomos is a spot-on kind of gal. Remember when Scott Samms got suspended for calling her a "Greek bitch?" Hopefully she told him, "Yeah, so kiss my ass, Samms." I'd probably squeal with joy and kiss someone if they called me a "Lebanese bitch," "Mexican bitch," or "Spanish bitch."
You bet I would. Little would anyone know that I try to honor my foremothers and fathers as often as possible, and with my history, this takes work because some of these people just weren't very nice. Like on my father's side, there's my great-grandmother's Jewish grandfather (or was it her father?) who fled Bremerhaven, Germany for Monterey, Mexico, after gunning down a guy in a bar. And then on my mother's side, there's my grandmother's brother and uncle back in Tripoli, who tracked her down after she ran away before her arranged wedding, dragged her home, beat her up, and tied her to the bed until it was time for her to walk down the aisle. I shit you not.
Enough with the lurid legacies already. I now sheepishly present you with the worst haiku you'll ever read.
Rebecca Lopez
My lovely milpa goddess
Flogging me with maize
Gloria Campos
Worse than Vietnam, yeah
Channel 8 blows goats
Mary Ann Razzuk
The Lebanese newsgirl rules
My local low-down
Lexi Conomos
'Greek bitch' traffic queen
Keeps me out of jams
OK, I promise never to do this to you again. I'll stick with what I know from now on.
Please note that this is all in good fun; I'm no poet, nor will I ever be, nor do I harbor any ill or malicious will whatsoever toward Channel 8, its employees, or any affiliates of the Belo Corporation. Also please note that I adore Rebecca Lopez - she is a stellar reporter in addition to being my milpa goddess, I shall not want; Gloria Campos is tops in her field and a nice person to boot; and if I'm commuting, Alexa Conomos is a spot-on kind of gal. Remember when Scott Samms got suspended for calling her a "Greek bitch?" Hopefully she told him, "Yeah, so kiss my ass, Samms." I'd probably squeal with joy and kiss someone if they called me a "Lebanese bitch," "Mexican bitch," or "Spanish bitch."
You bet I would. Little would anyone know that I try to honor my foremothers and fathers as often as possible, and with my history, this takes work because some of these people just weren't very nice. Like on my father's side, there's my great-grandmother's Jewish grandfather (or was it her father?) who fled Bremerhaven, Germany for Monterey, Mexico, after gunning down a guy in a bar. And then on my mother's side, there's my grandmother's brother and uncle back in Tripoli, who tracked her down after she ran away before her arranged wedding, dragged her home, beat her up, and tied her to the bed until it was time for her to walk down the aisle. I shit you not.
Enough with the lurid legacies already. I now sheepishly present you with the worst haiku you'll ever read.
Rebecca Lopez
My lovely milpa goddess
Flogging me with maize
Gloria Campos
Worse than Vietnam, yeah
Channel 8 blows goats
Mary Ann Razzuk
The Lebanese newsgirl rules
My local low-down
Lexi Conomos
'Greek bitch' traffic queen
Keeps me out of jams
OK, I promise never to do this to you again. I'll stick with what I know from now on.
posted by No, You Can't Watch at 1:22 AM
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