Litterbug, Litterbug, shame on me
One billion pieces of litter...
That's how much trash collects on Texas highways each year when people toss items out of their cars or allow trash to fly out of truck beds. Are you contributing to this mess?
Guilty as charged, I'm sorry to say.
And trust me - when they say "Don't Mess With Texas," they really mean it.
Either some conscientious motorist went tattling on my ass to the Texas Department of Transportation, something they were well within their right to do, or I was busted on camera. All I know is that waiting for me in the mail this afternoon was a warning from Big Bubba - metered not bulk, and an ominous 'gotcha' on the address label. Inside, they had the goods on me. My tag number and vehicle make and model had been duly noted, with the time and date of the offense - 5:00 p.m. on April 19th, travelling along Eastbound I-20 and tossing a cigarette butt out my car window like, well, a grade-a tosser.
The eyes of Texas were truly upon me.
And no, I'm not exactly proud of myself. Can I go crawl under a rock now, or slither off and crown myself Queen Dumb-Ass? The world is most certainly not my ashtray. I rarely smoke cigarettes, and am the world's worst when it comes to freeloading 'em, unless it's been an ultra-craptacular day or the alcohol's flowing and that touch of tobacco just seems to go down a treat, even though I'm hacking up lung butter in the shower the next morning.
Yeah. And that excuse is so lame that I need a walker.
Appropriately enough, I'm filled with self-loathing. JFC. What was I thinking? Given the recent tinderbox conditions around the state, my hapless ass could've started a grass fire. So not only does that make me a litterbug, but a potential firebug as well.
No, this won't be an easy thing to live with.
Besides that, my childhood crush, Smokey The Bear, would so not approve and therefore, I must repent. Twenty lashes with a wet noodle, and fifty rounds of Hail Smokey. Maybe I should eat a few of my discarded cigarette butts in His name. In Smokey's name we trust. Amen.
Whatever. At any rate, sleep won't be coming easily tonight, I know already. Visions of blackened acres and a $500 fine will keep me up into the early morning hours, and I'll be hating myself well into the weekend. Edina on Ab Fab was right when she said "Just tax the stupid people!" Shitty self-realization: I'd definitely be one of 'em.
That's how much trash collects on Texas highways each year when people toss items out of their cars or allow trash to fly out of truck beds. Are you contributing to this mess?
Guilty as charged, I'm sorry to say.
And trust me - when they say "Don't Mess With Texas," they really mean it.
Either some conscientious motorist went tattling on my ass to the Texas Department of Transportation, something they were well within their right to do, or I was busted on camera. All I know is that waiting for me in the mail this afternoon was a warning from Big Bubba - metered not bulk, and an ominous 'gotcha' on the address label. Inside, they had the goods on me. My tag number and vehicle make and model had been duly noted, with the time and date of the offense - 5:00 p.m. on April 19th, travelling along Eastbound I-20 and tossing a cigarette butt out my car window like, well, a grade-a tosser.
The eyes of Texas were truly upon me.
And no, I'm not exactly proud of myself. Can I go crawl under a rock now, or slither off and crown myself Queen Dumb-Ass? The world is most certainly not my ashtray. I rarely smoke cigarettes, and am the world's worst when it comes to freeloading 'em, unless it's been an ultra-craptacular day or the alcohol's flowing and that touch of tobacco just seems to go down a treat, even though I'm hacking up lung butter in the shower the next morning.
Yeah. And that excuse is so lame that I need a walker.
Appropriately enough, I'm filled with self-loathing. JFC. What was I thinking? Given the recent tinderbox conditions around the state, my hapless ass could've started a grass fire. So not only does that make me a litterbug, but a potential firebug as well.
No, this won't be an easy thing to live with.
Besides that, my childhood crush, Smokey The Bear, would so not approve and therefore, I must repent. Twenty lashes with a wet noodle, and fifty rounds of Hail Smokey. Maybe I should eat a few of my discarded cigarette butts in His name. In Smokey's name we trust. Amen.
Whatever. At any rate, sleep won't be coming easily tonight, I know already. Visions of blackened acres and a $500 fine will keep me up into the early morning hours, and I'll be hating myself well into the weekend. Edina on Ab Fab was right when she said "Just tax the stupid people!" Shitty self-realization: I'd definitely be one of 'em.
posted by No, You Can't Watch at 12:38 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home